me.

3 Days.

2011-06-12T22:07:00.001-07:00

Hi Austin! You're probably reading this because I just gave you the link to my blog. I just wanted to tell you how crazy I am about you and how lucky I am. You're the best part of my day, whether it's seeing you or just texting you. It makes me feel really bad that I make you so stressed out sometimes but I just want to let you know that you do the opposite for me. If there's ever any problem I have, you do your best to fix it and make me happy. Just the fact that you would do that for me makes the problem seem a lot smaller. I've been through a lot this year and these couple months have probably been the hardest, but I know I will be fine if I have you. I know...that sounds completely cheesy but I don't think you realize how thankful I am to have you in my life. You're exactly the kind of guy every girl wants and I'm the one that gets you :)
I love you soooooooo much, Austin! I can't wait to see you in 3 days!

1st day of work.

2011-06-09T15:00:00.001-07:00

Another boring day. Today I woke up at 10 am and then continued to lay in bed until 1 pm. I'm a little afraid my depression is coming back. Not because of Austin or him being away. I've felt it come back little by little. I've just had a really stressful year and I'm just exhausted. All I want is sleep.
Today I start my first official day of work since training. It can be a stressful job at times because people take fast food way too seriously.
Think Positive: I'm working late tonight so that will get my mind off things and then I can just go to bed right away when I get home.
6 DAYS until I get to see him again.

Boredom.

2011-06-08T22:55:00.000-07:00

I'm a little better today. I still feel all alone but I'm not feeling quite as pathetic and helpless today. I feel a little bit like a loser because the only time I've talked today was to answer a question in math class, to talk to my mom on the phone for 10 min, and to give a lecture to my pet rats on why they are supposed to shit in the litter box instead of playing with it.
It's kind of annoying that Austin is two hours ahead of time from me so at night I can't talk to him because he's already sleeping. and during the day I can hardly talk to him because he's busy with his vacationing festivities. I need a project so that I can stop thinking. Thinking too much can be lethal. Maybe I'll have to find some free stuff on Freecycle or Craigslist...because I don't get paid until Tuesday and I'm pretty sure $5 at Hobby Lobby isn't going to cut it. I can't wait until I get a roommate. I hope she's cool.
Maybe I should start sketching again. I'm not very good but it's pretty fun to see what a blank piece of paper can turn into.
Today at class, I tried to avoid sitting next to this kid with a super high voice who cheats off my papers and laughs like a diseased hyena...but guess what? Instead of sitting next to that incredibly dumb kid, I got stuck sitting next to the know-it-all 27-year-old who just happened to be the same major as I plan on being (Business Management). So he told me he's been managing for like 5 years now so he decided to give me some lame tips that wouldn't even apply to my job. I told him I want to go into Event-Planning and he asked me all of these specifics on it. I kept telling him that I in no way have this whole thing planned out yet and I'm still figuring all of that out. He kept scoffing at me and acting like I'm an idiot for not having my entire life planned out at 19. I finally thought of an excuse that might be good enough to stop this jerk from saying anymore so I said, "I just graduated from high school last year and I'm going to a 4-year University, not this Community College. So I think I have some time to figure things out for myself". And finally...silence.

I really miss Austin. This is only Day 2 of him being gone but seeing him is always the highlight of my day...and now the whole day is dull and just drags on. This is going to be a long week.

Think Positive: I went on a bike ride today and it put me in a better mood to not be sitting on my lazy ass on the computer. I also got rid of some stuff on Freecycle and tried rearranging some things in my apartment. I get to officially start work tomorrow since I just got done with training. I can't wait for that paycheck. Also, I have a pretty awesome boss that works around my schedule. I've never had a boss like that before! Oh and I'm also getting a little sun so I don't look quite as ghostly! Yay!
7 DAYS until I can see him again.

I've never hated Florida or New Orleans as much as I do now.

2011-06-07T21:21:00.000-07:00

Well it looks like it's time to start a new blog. This one is not going to be very fun to read because it's all about me and my thoughts. I basically just needed a place to say everything I want to say without anyone seeing. So here it goes.
Tomorrow morning Austin leaves for a trip to Florida and New Orleans. While I should be excited for him, I am laying in bed wallowing in my own self pity. This is because I have zero friends or family in this town. All I have is Austin and now he'll be gone for a week. I think I'm seriously blowing this out of proportion though. It feels like I'm going through withdrawal or just had a nasty break up. I've been crying nonstop and feeling sorry for myself because the only social interaction I will have for the next week is my coworkers at Taco Bell. Hooray. It's kind of depressing to think that the only person that is keeping me in this town is Austin. I think a girl should have more friends than just her boyfriend but my problem is that I hate small talk. That's what it comes down to. Small talk is how you make friends right away and I cannot bring myself to do it. I honestly don't even know how I have a boyfriend because I feel like I'm getting more and more socially awkward as I go on. My other problem is that I don't care. If I'm sitting in class and some girl starts telling me about her weekend and how her cat is the most awesome thing in the world, all I'm thinking is: I DO NOT CARE. PLEASE STOP TALKING. This probably makes me sound like a bitch but I guess what it comes down to is that I don't like bullshit. For me, it would be super awesome if someone I was getting to know just told it to me straight. Either "I don't think we could get along as friends" or "We really get along and we should hang out sometime". Unfortunately, the world enjoys a whopping plate of bullshit with their everyday chatter.
Okay. If you haven't noticed, I'm in a terrible mood. I'm feeling sarcastic and angry and lonely and hot. Hot because this stupid apartment doesn't have air conditioning.
Think positive: I felt really close with Austin today and I'm really lucky to have such a great guy. Although I'll miss him this week, I'm lucky to have him to miss. Another positive is that my 2 pet rats put me in a good mood and I'm litter training them. Even though I know that's weird. Also, I started playing guitar again today. So that was fun.
8 DAYS until I get to see him again.